you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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