There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
