i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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