omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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