I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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