billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
