she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
