:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
