I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
