dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
