I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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