There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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