Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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