I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
