I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dear god my vagina.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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