please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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