Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
