I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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