I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
