It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
