What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
