I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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