I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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