I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
