You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
