I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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