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Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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