I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish I only lived at night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
