I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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