haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
