Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
