My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
