Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
God, I missed his penis.
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