; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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