it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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