um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
