hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
