its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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