You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
