You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
