He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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