I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
