Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
