plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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