Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
