dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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