Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
