One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
