Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
