I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
