haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
