Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
are you so shy because you have an std?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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