Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
